V\H\S: Viral Page #3

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f***, I need water, you know.

Bro, I grabbed the bottle and

just gulp, gulp, and then...

But it still tasted like beer, though.

There's this one time I went and

saw this old '80s hardcore band.

People were front-flipping and sh*t.

- All of a sudden, I look over...

- Front-flipping?

- People were front-flipping?

- Front-flipping into the crowd.

See, I told you, people can front-flip.

Dude, shut the f***...

I look over and my homeboy's,

like, throwing kids,

like, just throwing 'em

into the wall and sh*t.

Little kids?

Throwing little kids into the wall?

No. No, dude. They're, like, 20. Boom!

The fat guy's homie, or should I say...

Was he bleeding?

I'm gonna f***ing pistol-whip

the sh*t out of you if you...

Yo, don't touch my sh*t.

Dude, we need a new f***ing

spot to finish this video.

My cousin told me about

this ditch in Tijuana.

He said it's always empty,

totally secret.

- You got gas money?

- I'm not paying.

Hey, hey! Sam! Hey, Sam!

- Dude, it's Shaun.

- Whatever the f***. Come here.

When are we gonna finish my skate video?

It's done. Hey, do you still

have your dad's credit card?

Dude, we cannot go to TJ.

You know that fool

Carlos in third period?

The cartel stuffed his

uncle in a barrel of acid.

Dude, let's go.

You can go and f*** up

the filming some more.

Tijuana is fine now.

The drug dealers all left.

They got... they got firecrackers,

they got weed,

they don't card for alcohol.

Yeah, get a bunch.

Get the big ones, the big ones.

- Test 'em.

- They only have three.

Make sure they're not a dud. Test 'em.

- Nah, we'll...

- There you go. There you go.

Thanks for the ride. This is a

very serious piece of equipment.

- You have sex, keep it on.

- Alright, cool. I will.

This kid throws $20 for gas and

he gets the f***ing titty cam?

No, that goes for both of you.

If you have sex, keep your cameras on.

Oh, damn!

You want a swig of this?

Tell your sister to go home.

She's got syphil-herp.

But the fact is,

'Faces of Death' and 'Jackass',

they sell more than every

skateboard video combined.

Yo, dude, you know...

- You know where the f*** we are?

- I do not! I have been lost for hours.

Seriously?

These come-bags are boring.

Is that a f***ing earthquake?

I just survived a Mexican earthquake.

Hey, how often do you guys

clean your skateboard wheels?

This wasn't what I was thinking of,

but you can skate this, yeah?

Yeah, but it smells like your mom.

Do you all know how to climb fences?

Jason, did you turn on your camera?

Turn on these whack-ass titty cams.

- Guys, turn on your cameras!

- Shut up.

Turn on your camera.

It's been... F*** off.

Pour some for the homies, Gas Money.

Hey, guys...

Hey, d*ckhead, you think a skinned

kitten would still get views?

Oh, got a missed call.

You gonna start filming or what?

Remember that one time

you did a shitty kick-flip

and got more views than porn?

There's a bunch of dog sh*t

in the middle of it.

Dude, this place is weird.

I ain't going back, though.

We just walked three hours.

Something funky worth showing people.

No-one wants to see you guys

go backward and forward

for four f***ing hours.

- Wait. Go on the barrel.

- The barrel?

- Go on top and do a front flip.

- A front flip?

Don't come off that barrel

until you do a front flip.

This goes out to your momma.

You be in the front right there.

That was the shittiest front flip...

That f***ing camera guy is weird, dude.

I know, and he's got this

weird-ass look on his face

like he wants to touch me.

And Gas Money Kid just

sits there and stares.

Want to be immortal, or do you

want to be a giant vagina monster?

I will front-kick your a**hole.

Some chick, she was all

f***ed up at the park.

You know the bleachers,

how there's, like, gaps between?

She fell between 'em, like,

the top one. Like, "Boom, boom!"

- Terrible.

- Yeah, real f***ing sad.

- Don't blow off your dick hand.

- At least your mom got two dick hands!

Oh, f***! F***!

Dude, dude, is that bleeding?

What the f***? Hot as my balls.

What the f***?

Dude.

Where did she come from?

Is she a ninja? Are you a ninja?!

Dude, your sister followed us here.

- What's wrong with her?

- Hey, I'm just kidding.

Hey. My name's Taylor. But...

No, seriously, though, I'm a director.

Want me to throw you in some movies?

We could do that.

Hey, video guy,

your dad's a good singer.

Dude, let's bounce.

Oh, sh*t! What the f***?

- Oh, what the f***, dude?

- Sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t!

Hey, I'm gonna shoot one of

these motherfuckers, dog.

Oh, sh*t.

Get that fool, Gas Money, dog!

Get the f*** off him!

Come on, Gas Money. Crack him!

Get off that kid!

- Do what you gotta do, man!

- What am I doing, man?

- Where are you going?

- I don't know, man.

Dude, back up.

Dude, don't... Get...

Oh, my f***ing God.

- Do crackheads have fire blood?

- Yeah, definitely.

I'll go to the Mexican hospital.

I don't give a f***.

- Sh*t. There's more.

- But they go down easy!

- They're falling apart!

- They got a disease.

- Dude, use your gun.

- What the f***?

I only got one more bullet, dog!

Where the f*** is Gas Money Kid going?

Oh, sh*t! Hey, dog.

I think they killed Gas Money Kid.

Don't talk. Just fight!

Find a weapon, find a weapon,

find a weapon.

Deck-check that fool!

B*tch!

B*tch! B*tch! B*tch!

Little f***ing b*tch! B*tch!

He's dead, motherf***er! Help me!

There's more of them!

Dude, they're everywhere!

What are you doing?

Oh, what the f***?

Help, dog! Help!

What the...

What's up, motherf***er?

F***.

Oh, f*** that! Vmonos!

13, motherf***er!

- F***, man, you all good?

- You were kind of crazy.

Hey, we killed a lot of fools.

Killed a lot of fools.

Let's get the f*** out of here, psycho.

Motherf***er, they killed Gas

Money Kid and Camera Guy, man!

What the f*** you supposed to...

Oh, sh*t.

Run!

Go under, dog. Go under!

- Hold 'em off for me, dog!

- Help me, you f***ing psycho!

What are you doing?

Just give me a second, fool.

Run! Get the f*** out of here!

Run!

Come on, motherf***er! Let's go!

We're not dead, motherf***er!

Don't stop till the border!

Hey, dog, I'm still rolling!

Me too! Let's go!

Do you feel as bad as I do about

Gas Money Kid and Camera Guy?

Yeah. Come on, dude!

Hey, hold up, hold up!

Something's slowing me down.

Dude, are you f***ing serious? Let's go!

Police are warning it's a

very dangerous situation

they are struggling to stay ahead of.

There are now reports of 11 fires

burning out of control across the city.

People should absolutely

be staying inside.

Do not...

Stop the f***ing car! Please stop!

Trust me, baby.

What the f***?

I need your help! I need your help!

- You f***!

- Get out of the car!

You keep going. Don't worry about that.

What are you doing?!

Keep going. We could edit that out.

Alright. And just

ignore the guy driving.

Just forget...

Don't even think about him.

Trust me, baby, I'm a pro at this.

Yeah, right there.

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